Psycho Shark (2009)

Okay, how do you set about talking about Psycho Shark? It's a film so bizarre, and I don't mean in a David Lynch or Takashi Miike deliberately bizarre sorta way, no; this film is just baffling. The closest I can come to describe it would be a Jess Franco movie channeled via The Blair Witch Project, made for a market that doesn't appreciate nudity, yet likes sexploitation... and possibly sharks. That's pretty much what this film is, a sexploitation shark movie with neither sex nor a shark... well there is a shark, but that's about 10 seconds of screen time from the 69 minutes of Franco-esque shots of inanimate objects... and the bikini-clad actresses enjoying the salty ocean waters.

Two young girls, Miki and Mai, travel to a seaside resort for a relaxing getaway. Mai hooks up with one of the locals and leaved Miki to her own devises. Mai stumbles upon a tape in their room, the tape is of three young girls who had come to the same resort for a good time. Turns out the handsome stranger Miki has hooked up with also hooked up with the previous batch of girls... and their home-movie documents a pretty bad ending for them. It's up to Miki to rescue her friend before she ends up like the previous guests.

As you can tell from the synopsis, there's no mention of a shark! There's a psycho, yes, but shark? Nuh-uh. What Psycho Shark actually is would best be described as a 15 minute short film stretched out to un-imaginable lengths with the same goddamn filler played over and over. Miki seems hell-bent on watching the videotape over and over again, watching a scene only to rewind and start again! It's infuriating to the point of hilarity.

Some viewers will be enamored with the leading ladies chest-sizes and non-stop jiggling, others will be wondering just why they do everything in their swimsuits. Others will be annoyed by the fact they don't actually take their bikini's off – not even when their in the shower! But most will be wondering 'where is the shark?”.  It's there alright, and only the most patient of viewer will be able to sit through this mind-numbingly goofy tale to bask in that long awaited sharks-ploitation! Having said that, it's so ridiculous in execution that it actually feels worth the wait!

Amidst all of the bouncing tits and ominous shots of the ocean, there's some very fetching cinematography here for those who like a beautiful composition to go with their over-spilling breasts. It's obviously a very low-budget feature, yet some shots are captured beautifully and give the film a professional sheen from time to time. It's all little too late however, had this been a 15 minute short-film it would have been a little treat, at nearly 70 minutes however, it's an endurance test, with the temptation to hit the fast-forward button growing with every replay of that damn found tape! Psycho Shark is one heck of a curio, and something of an experience that cult-fans will likely get a little kick from it, in that 'I survived Psycho Shark' sort of way. The creators of this film really deserve credit for somehow managing to find distribution outside of Japan! Sane people, avoid this like the plague!

Psycho Shark is available to buy now!

Modern Masterpieces #4: Dark Water (2002)

When Hideo Nakata released The Ring back in January 1998 and Park Ki-hyeong released Whispering Corridor’s months after, in May 1998, the then stale horror genre was resuscitated with a fresh breathe of life. America had all but bled the slasher revival dry and audiences longed for something different, and these films were just that. Masked knifemen no longer held sway over an audience, but dead women with long, straggly black hair obscuring their face? Guided by some malevolent supernatural force? Time to rejoice! As “shit-your-pants” horror was back!

The success of these movies soon brought with it its imitators: which to this day still proves popular with audiences. However the finest example of the sub-genre wasn’t Hideo Nakata’s first foray, or even Park’s groundbreaking Korean shocker, but the subtle horrors of Nakata’s later effort, Dark Water that encapsulated everything oriental horror was, and should have always been – the perfect mix of being, dramatically, achingly beautiful along with nerve-wrenchingly terrifying.

Taking inspiration once again from Koji Suzuki (ala The Ring) Dark Water tells the story of Yoshimi, a middle-aged mother currently fighting for divorce and in order to maintain custody of her daughter, Ikuko, takes a menial job as a proof-reader. They have also just moved into a run-down apartment block which has more than it’s fare share of maintenance issues; such as the ever growing damp patch in their ceiling which stems from an abandoned apartment above them. Soon, strange occurrences abound and an apparition of a young girl keeps haunting Yoshimi. It transpires that a young girl, Mitsuko, had gone missing in the area the year previous, after she was abandoned by her mother, but why is she targeting Yoshimi and her daughter and how can they stop her?

As much as I loved The Ring upon initial viewing, it’s never drawn me back for repeat viewings. The mystery of the first experience can never be re-lived and as a result repeat viewing can lead to boredom, while waiting for the characters to finally unravel the Sadako mystery and we can enjoy the now legendary finale. Dark Water however, continues to grip and scare the living shit out of us. This isn’t because Mitsuko is the more terrifying creation, Sadako has her beat hands down aesthetically, but her story is more appealing and relatable.

Mitsuko is a tragic creation, born from parental abuse she thrives to claim back what she lost. Whereas Sadako was an enigma, of sorts, in the first Ring movie; murdered by a parental figure and lashing out with a teen-like angst – granted in the book she benefits from the added perversity that’s lacking from the Japanese movie adaptation and suffers for it, however the South Korean version contained this aspect but failed to maintain the scares - and it gives Sadako an air of bratishness as opposed to monster. Dark Water’s Mitsuko however, is a lost child and as such gains or sympathy, which makes it all the more horrifying in that we can understand why she’s still clutching to this world, hoping to find her mother and return home to her.

Though the American re-make has all but tarnished the films name and reputation, I still believe that Dark Water stands head and shoulders over its rival, more successful, genre brethren. It’s one of Japanese horror cinemas finest offerings and as far as the ghostly, dark haired ghost cliché goes, this is the best the Far East has given us. It may not have the body count that horror fans and gorehounds crave, but it’s a film dripping with suspense, leaking with tension and has a fantastic gut-punch finale that will leave its audience affected in a way The Ring and Ju-On franchises could never come close to achieving. You may also find yourself disturbed by Mitsuko’s cold-hearted, calculated determination to claim what she wants, showing a maturity far beyond her young age; leaving you remembering her long after you’ve forgotten Sadako’s pissed at the world, woe is me schoolgirl attitude. This is a special stuff indeed. Highly Recommended!

Dark Water is available to buy on DVD now.