Psycho Shark (2009)

Okay, how do you set about talking about Psycho Shark? It's a film so bizarre, and I don't mean in a David Lynch or Takashi Miike deliberately bizarre sorta way, no; this film is just baffling. The closest I can come to describe it would be a Jess Franco movie channeled via The Blair Witch Project, made for a market that doesn't appreciate nudity, yet likes sexploitation... and possibly sharks. That's pretty much what this film is, a sexploitation shark movie with neither sex nor a shark... well there is a shark, but that's about 10 seconds of screen time from the 69 minutes of Franco-esque shots of inanimate objects... and the bikini-clad actresses enjoying the salty ocean waters.

Two young girls, Miki and Mai, travel to a seaside resort for a relaxing getaway. Mai hooks up with one of the locals and leaved Miki to her own devises. Mai stumbles upon a tape in their room, the tape is of three young girls who had come to the same resort for a good time. Turns out the handsome stranger Miki has hooked up with also hooked up with the previous batch of girls... and their home-movie documents a pretty bad ending for them. It's up to Miki to rescue her friend before she ends up like the previous guests.

As you can tell from the synopsis, there's no mention of a shark! There's a psycho, yes, but shark? Nuh-uh. What Psycho Shark actually is would best be described as a 15 minute short film stretched out to un-imaginable lengths with the same goddamn filler played over and over. Miki seems hell-bent on watching the videotape over and over again, watching a scene only to rewind and start again! It's infuriating to the point of hilarity.

Some viewers will be enamored with the leading ladies chest-sizes and non-stop jiggling, others will be wondering just why they do everything in their swimsuits. Others will be annoyed by the fact they don't actually take their bikini's off – not even when their in the shower! But most will be wondering 'where is the shark?”.  It's there alright, and only the most patient of viewer will be able to sit through this mind-numbingly goofy tale to bask in that long awaited sharks-ploitation! Having said that, it's so ridiculous in execution that it actually feels worth the wait!

Amidst all of the bouncing tits and ominous shots of the ocean, there's some very fetching cinematography here for those who like a beautiful composition to go with their over-spilling breasts. It's obviously a very low-budget feature, yet some shots are captured beautifully and give the film a professional sheen from time to time. It's all little too late however, had this been a 15 minute short-film it would have been a little treat, at nearly 70 minutes however, it's an endurance test, with the temptation to hit the fast-forward button growing with every replay of that damn found tape! Psycho Shark is one heck of a curio, and something of an experience that cult-fans will likely get a little kick from it, in that 'I survived Psycho Shark' sort of way. The creators of this film really deserve credit for somehow managing to find distribution outside of Japan! Sane people, avoid this like the plague!

Psycho Shark is available to buy now!